An Interview with Cecil Murphey,
Author of Making Sense When Life Doesn’t
Cecil Murphey helps readers accept, adapt and flourish when the trials of life throw them off track.
Life is like cleaning the house—no matter how hard you work to clean up the mess, tomorrow the clutter and disorder will reappear, and it will just need cleaning again. In Making Sense When Life Doesn’t: The Secrets of Thriving in Tough Times (Summerside Press) best-selling author Cecil Murphey writes that while life’s messiness is unavoidable, it’s how a person chooses to respond to the mess that matters.
Murphey explains that while you don’t get to choose your crisis, the crises will happen. Companies downsize, relationships end, trauma hits, and illness comes, but there are three ways in which we can respond: decide to live with the mess and comfort yourself with the memories of the past, move on with life and resent the change, or tell yourself that this can be the best time of life and try something new.
Q: You open Making Sense When Life Doesn't with the concept that life is like cleaning the house. Explain what you mean by that.
We get the house cleaned and it looks quite nice. It doesn't stay that way. The tendency is to go back to our careless or hurried lifestyle and the same habits. Before long, the house is messy again.
That's how life works. We fret and struggle to clean up our current mess, assuming that once we accomplish that feat, it won't happen again. But it will. Unless we make changes, we'll go back to the same lifestyle.
Q: What are the three or four ways we can respond to crisis?
We always have choices even if we think we don't.
1. We can do the throwing-our-hands-in-the air bit that says we give up.
2. We can complain about the way things used to be. Like the children of Israel in the wilderness, we tend to forget the negatives of the past and our world seemed much better than it is in the present. We cry out, "This is the worst time of my life." That attitude makes us immobile and often a little bitter. "It's not supposed to be this way," is the way we start our conversations.
3. We can move forward—grudgingly. We change because we've been forced to do so, but we resent the situation and often the people involved.
4. We can see this as an adventure, a new way of life. We can tell ourselves, “This can be the best time of my life. I can try things I wanted to do but never did. I can learn new things and enjoy life even more.”
Q: It has been said that the only constant in life is change. Why is that such an important truth that we need to face?
We tend to think that if we can just push beyond this present, pervasive situation, life will be "normal" once again. Life doesn't work that way. Living means moving from one problem to the next.
If we accept that we'll always face opposition and grow in the process, we aren't overwhelmed when the next eruption of life takes place.
We learn to say, "This is how life works."
Q: A few years ago, you lost your son-in-law in a fire that destroyed your home and all your possessions. At that time you told a friend, "I was preparing for this." How could have been preparing for what happened that morning?
I didn't mean that I expected death and a fire, and he understood my words. I meant I had experienced many hardships, rejections, pain, and disappointment. Each time I faced them and moved through those times, I was ready for the next one.
Those words came spontaneously. As broken up as I was, I knew I could handle the loss.
When I was in my early twenties and difficulties came, I wondered how I would make it through most of them. But after having overcome enough chaos and obstacles, I know I'm ready to face the next ordeal.
Q: You say you're not a person who likes to give advice, especially when people are hurting. Why not?
I suppose I like to give advice, but I avoid it. When people hurt or are going through difficult places, they don't need my advice. They need my support.
Through my own experiences, I realized people quickly gave me advice, quoted Bible verses, reminded me that God was with me, or told me how good life would be afterward. Their words didn't help; I already knew that. I also realized their words often came from their own discomfort and not from great wisdom.
What I needed—and what I want to offer others—is my concern. I don't have to give them answers.
Even if they ask questions, what they really need is for someone to show they care. I want to be with them while they figure out their own answers.
Q: Is it really okay for people to get angry or feel sorry for themselves when something bad happens? Is there a time limit for that kind of negative emotion?
Is it okay? It had better be because that's a natural reaction when life falls apart. That means we're aware of the seriousness of our situation. Not only is it all right, but it's important. Those feelings help us assess where we are. After that, we can begin to solve our issues.
Is there a time limit? We're all different. Some of us can hit the bottom and bounce up quickly. Others move slowly.
After the death of our son-in-law, it took our daughter three years before I felt she had decided to live again. (They had known each other since they were fourteen years old.)
Q: In one chapter, you say that only the strong can forgive. Isn’t that contrary to what society leads us to believe?
It's not natural or easy for most of us to admit our mistakes. But once we face our own shortcomings, we can accept others when they fail or don't live up to their highest standards.
We need a certain level of self-acceptance before we can forgive others. We don't have to wait for others to change, we can change and that means we can forgive.
Once I realized that God loves me, forgives me, and accepts me as I am—that took years for me to grasp inwardly—I understood the concept of grace. I know how it feels to be forgiven. I realized that Jesus Christ saw my motives and not just my actions. He knew my weaknesses and my blind spots. Because I know those things about myself and the overwhelming love of God, I can pass that grace or forgiveness on to others.
Too often I hear people say things like, "I don't forgive. I get even." Such an attitude weighs on our souls, and prevents our living in contentment.
Q: Like most writers, you’ve experienced your share of rejection. How have you learned to deal with rejection in life?
I detest rejections. For the first 50 rejections I received in my writing (and there have since been hundreds), I felt it was a personal attack. It wasn't; it was a business decision by a publisher.
I learned to remind myself, "They are not rejecting me, they are rejecting my product."
Another thing is that by receiving "non-acceptances" (as I chose to call them), I grew stronger. Instead of considering non-acceptances as intrusions, I was finally able to say, "This is how life works."
Q: Explain what you mean by “letting go is vital to grabbing hold.”
Too many want to feel safe, so they grasp what they have. They want life to be the way it was (at least the good part) and they constantly look backward. If they're going to go forward, they have to release their past and say, "That's the way it was then. I'm now moving ahead."
When we do that, we're ready to grab hold and move forward. We can't appreciate what we have now if we constantly compare it to the way it used to be, especially if we've been forced to leave the old.
Q: We often hear about the importance of having accountability partners, how does accountability fit in with the overall theme of this book?
We are on our own in life, even though God is with us. We pray. We make choices and feel we're doing the right thing. We all have blind spots and we need the insight of individuals we can trust.
True accountability partners push us to face reality, admit our imperfections, and to reframe or rethink our decisions.
Accountability is a vital part of making sense out of life. We need the perspectives and objectivity of those who care about us. An accountability partner enables me to open myself to my inner thoughts and express them—without fear of censure.
The Bible speaks of the sinfulness of every human, and we often need others to help us see that what we want to do may be self-centered and destructive.
Q: One thing you had trouble understanding at first was the idea that we need the people who make our lives more difficult. Most of us likely have the same problem. Why do we need our enemies?
Our enemies force us to examine ourselves. They tell us things our good friends won't. Even if they exaggerate or are mistaken, we still need to ponder their accusations.
They push us to look at what I call the unexamined parts of our lives.
Q: You also address topics such as jealousy, anger, pain, and regrets. Is there anything specific on one these subjects that you would like to leave our listeners with today?
Those emotions are normal and we need to admit to ourselves that we feel them. We're human. Disappointments come to all of us.
I enjoy my life because I've faced an enormous number of roadblocks, negative feelings and attitudes, and I've worked through them. I call myself an overcomer.
The true victors in life are only those who have faced their hardships and kept going.
Life isn't fair; life isn't easy. However, the inner contentment and joy we achieve when we overcome jealousy, anger, and other negative feelings enable us to enjoy life, friends, and God even more.
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Title: MAKING SENSE WHEN LIFE DOESN’T
Author: Cecil Murphey
Publisher: Summerside Press
April 2012
ISBN: 978-1-60936-224-9
Genre: Inspirational/self help/motivational
Life is messy. Cluttered. Disorganized.
Companies downsize. Relationships end. Trauma hits. When chaos hits, everyone has choices. We can crawl into bed and pull the covers up over our heads and ignore the problem. We can call it the worst time of our lives, and dream and talk about the good old days, wishing for the way things used to be, and resend the changes forced on us. Or we can realize that the sun still shines. Life goes on. And realize this can be a positive time in my life. I didn’t choose the crisis, but I can choose to learn through it.
MAKING SENSE WHEN LIFE DOESN’T is a book that came in my life at just the right time. We had been hit by severe trauma that took away everything. Income. Dreams. A large chunk of money. Rest. Hope for the future. It took it all, leaving us scared, disorganized…I could go on. I picked up this book and started reading it. And realized a new that what I could do is keep believing in God who allowed this into my life for a purpose. Learn from it. Take the next right step forward. And realize—there are many things I can’t do…But more important is what I can do.
MAKING SENSE WHEN LIFE DOESN’T is a book that will be staying on my keeper shelf after I share it with my husband. It is filled with encouraging stories and quotes. Stories that remind you that bad stuff happens all the time. What is important is how you handle it. Highly recommended. $12.99. 192 pages.
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Life Won’t Ever Be Perfect, but It Can Be Good
In Making Sense When Life Doesn’t Cecil Murphey helps readers accept,
adapt and flourish when the trials of life throw them off track.
Life is like cleaning the house—no matter how hard you work to clean up the mess, tomorrow the clutter and disorder will reappear, and it will just need cleaning again. In Making Sense When Life Doesn’t: The Secrets of Thriving in Tough Times (Summerside Press, April 2012, ISBN 978-1609362249, $14.99) best-selling author Cecil Murphey writes that while life’s messiness is unavoidable, it’s how a person chooses to respond to the mess that matters.
None of us wants to be an expert on messes, but Murphey has walked through many hard times himself, including the tragic loss of his son-in-law in a fire that destroyed his home and everything in it. In his career as a writer, pastor and missionary, he’s been a witness to what tragedy and change have done in the lives of countless others. Combined, these experiences allow him to share the secrets of thriving in tough times with wisdom and compassion.
Murphey explains that while you don’t get to choose your crisis, the crises will happen. Companies downsize, relationships end, trauma hits, and illness comes, but there are three ways in which we can respond: decide to live with the mess and comfort yourself with the memories of the past, move on with life and resent the change, or tell yourself that this can be the best time of life and try something new.
One of the most important lessons we can learn is that life will never be perfect, but it can be good. The secret is learning that our lives will be made better because of adversity, not in spite of the hardships we face. “As long as you tell yourself that the chaos and disorder will disappear when an event happens or after some event, you fool yourself—at least for a time,” says Murphey.
In a gentle and encouraging way, Murphey offers simple and profound insights for living a significant life such as:
· I need the empty spaces in life to learn to accept fullness in life.
· I need my opponents. They often speak the truth that my friends won’t.
· To appreciate others’ accomplishments enables me to enjoy my own success.
· We all have regrets about the things we’ve done. The biggest regrets are about the things we didn’t do.
· It’s okay to feel sorry for yourself or get angry or depressed—that’s normal and natural. But don’t let those negative emotions control your life.
· Changes will happen. I can accept them now, or I’ll be forced to accept them later.
· We all have soft spots, and as long as they remain, we’ll automatically switch into a defensive mode to protect ourselves.
Making Sense When Life Doesn’t will leave readers viewing life from a new perspective and better equipped the next time they are faced with difficult times.
Advance Praise
“This book, I trust, will be a classic primer on overcoming the messes of life, a blueprint of how to navigate our lives with the least amount of scars and the most amount of achievement. Making Sense When Life Doesn’t is a twenty-first-century template for your most meaningful life. Read! Learn! Enjoy!”
~ Don Piper, co-author of 90 Minutes in Heaven
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Link to buy the book:
http://ow.ly/cwY3P
More about the book:
Beloved author Cecil Murphey empowers readers to discover the good in every situation and to make life better because of adversities.
Sometimes life gets messy. It’s cluttered with too many demands. Companies downsize. Love relationships end. Trauma hits. When chaos erupts, every person has a choice to make—to decide whether it’s the worst time of life, to find comfort in the way things used to be, to move on because change is forced, and then resent everything that happens, or to say, “This can be the best time of my life. I can try the things I wanted to do but never did.”
In Making Sense When Life Doesn’t, Cecil Murphey’s compelling stories, hope-filled insights, and gentle encouragement move readers with messy lives to the stunning realization that life won’t ever be perfect, but it can be good…even exciting!
Meet Cecil Murphey:
Cecil Murphey has written or co-written more than 125 books, including the bestsellers 90 Minutes in Heaven (with Don Piper) and Gifted Hands: The Ben Carson Story (with Dr. Ben Carson). His books have sold in the millions and have brought hope and encouragement to countless people around the world.
Murphey stays busy as a professional writer and travels extensively to speak on topics such as writing, spiritual growth, caregiving, significant living, sexual abuse, and recovery.
Prior to launching his career as a full-time writer and speaker, he served as pastor of Riverdale Presbyterian Church in Metro Atlanta, as a volunteer hospital chaplain for ten years, and was a missionary in Kenya for six. For more information, visit www.cecilmurphey.com
