Part 1 of an Interview with Juan and Jeanine Sanchez, Authors of Reaching Your Child's Heart

 

Part 1 of an Interview with Juan and Jeanine Sanchez, Authors of Reaching Your Child's Heart Raising children can feel overwhelming as you try to navigate the many voices telling you what to do and not to do, but God has already given you everything you need to be faithful parents. In Reaching Your Child’s Heart: A Practical Guide to Faithful Parenting, Juan and Jeanine Sanchez encourage parents from their gospel-shaped perspective that children don’t need perfect parents—they need a perfect Savior. Reaching Your Child’s Heart provides a down-to-earth, practical guide for parents that will help them move from survival mode to joyful, Christ-dependent parenting. For every parent who may be exhausted and discouraged, they can take heart from the simple, biblical principles shared in Reaching Your Child’s Heart as the authors: introduce a biblical and theological foundation for the role of parents, expose the dangers of child-centered parenting, offer practical guidance on establishing healthy patterns for children’s security and success, provide practical help for practicing gospel-based discipline, guide parents in navigating the teenage years so that they may be enjoyed, include questions for reflection for individual use or group discussion. Q: How is Reaching Your Child’s Heart different from most Christian books on parenting? What can readers expect from reading your book?  We have benefited greatly from many parenting books. Lately, there has been an important and helpful emphasis on releasing parents from the burden of “justification by parenting.” That has resulted in a much-needed corrective that emphasizes the gospel. We emphasize this reality when we say, our kids don’t need perfect parents; they need and already have a perfect savior.  Still, in serving in a local church, we receive many questions after the fact – “Yes, I know I am not justified by parenting, but what do I do when…?” It is this need for practical, gospel-grounded counsel that led us to write Reaching Your Child’s Heart. We want parents to know that Jesus is enough and that he has provided everything we need to shepherd our children. We want to “sit” with parents and encourage them by establishing the biblical and theological foundation of parenting while also providing clear, practical, biblical wisdom in specific ways during each stage of a child’s life.  Q: Before delving into the ins and outs of parenting, why was it important to first explore theology and the doctrines of creation and sin?  The Christian life is about the truth of Scripture that leads to practice (discipleship) and worship (doxology). True worship is grounded in the truth of Scripture. To go directly to life (how to) without the foundation of the truth of Scripture leads to the danger of legalism. The Christian life is a life of worship as a response to the truth that God has revealed in Scripture.  Therefore, we wanted to lay the foundation for life and worship—the truth of God’s word. Additionally, if we don’t understand the reason we were created and how sin has radically affected us, we will seek the wrong aims in parenting. Knowing the effects of sin in our lives and our children’s points us to our need of a Savior.  Q: You write that God does not expect us to be perfect parents and that our children don’t need perfect parents. What do our children need most?  Because of our natural sinful condition, we need a perfect Savior. And that is what God has given us in Jesus Christ. What our children need most is a new heart, and only God can give them that. And he does that by his gospel word, in the power of the Spirit.  What our children need from us is to be faithful parents who admit our sins, ask for forgiveness, and model the gospel. They need us to show them the Father’s love and their Savior’s sacrifice. They need us to be faithful in teaching and living out this gospel before them.  Q: What are some of the godly behaviors parents need to be modeling for their children daily within the home?  In a sense, parents need to model their entire life lived in dependence upon God and his word before their children. We need to show them how we need God’s grace and the Spirit’s help to obey God. We need to show them how to confess sin and ask for forgiveness. We need to show them how to spend time with the Lord in the word and prayer. And we need to show them the love of the Heavenly Father who is slow to anger and quick to forgive.

Q: There are many opinions out there about the correct way to discipline children, from: “Spare the rod, spoil the child” to “gentle parenting,” but what does biblical discipline actually look like? What are the two main components of biblical discipline?  Sadly, much parental discipline is done out of frustration. It’s almost as if we expect our children to guess what our standard is because whenever they transgress our standard, we react in frustration, anger, or exasperation. But, have you taught them what to expect?   Biblical discipline requires first and foremost positive instruction. This is a much-neglected need. We need to spend time teaching our children God’s standard. We need to teach them God’s word and what God expects. As we spend time teaching our children God’s word, they will begin to understand what we expect. They won’t have to guess. Consequently, when they don’t do what they have been taught to expect, they are in direct defiance.  Having taught what God requires, we correct when they transgress that standard. And there are many ways to apply corrective discipline, not just physical chastisement. However, when done in love and with grace and patience, physical chastisement is a biblical option. Proverbs gives us a wide variety of ways to correct our children.  Q: When does positive instruction transition into corrective discipline?  Assuming we have spent sufficient time positively instructing God’s standard, when it is clear that their heart is rebellious to that standard and to us as their parents, we must correct.   Corrective discipline requires we distinguish between childishness and foolishness. If a child spills her drink accidentally, that is childishness. But if the same child throws the drink at her sibling, that is foolishness and requires corrective discipline.   Q: Could you share with us some of your positive instruction and discipline tips for toddlers?  Instruction and correction start on the changing table and in the highchair.  When we want our kids to lay still during a diaper training, we equip for that. Our training should have a “Garden of Yes” just like Adam and Eve. They have a garden full of fruit they could consume, but they chose the one item God forbade. So when our lap baby grabs our glasses or phone, we say, “No touch, but you may play with this toy.” Same for toddlers; when they throw their food on the floor, showing they don’t need that food, “put on” a new behavior. Take all the food away, firmly telling then that we don’t throw food, so they are done eating. These are simple starting blocks for positively instructing and using corrective discipline.   Q: How do the methods of reaching your child’s heart change once the child enters the middle years (ages 6–12)?   We should be moving from a relationship of command to a relationship of influence, appealing to their heart. When we have laid the foundation of authority and obedience in the early years, we can now influence and appeal to our children to make the right choices of wisdom and obedience. We are now giving them the reasons behind our decisions to help them make wise choices.   This is also the sweet season of conversations and developing relationships. During these middle years, they are learning if we are trustworthy with their hearts. Are they allowed to talk to us about anything without ridicule? Are we showing them they are important by giving them full attention? They are watching us live our lives—do we make wise choices? Are we people of integrity? Are we living what we are teaching them?

Reaching Your Child’s Heart: A Practical Guide to Faithful Parenting By Juan and Jeanine Sanchez  Print ISBN: 978-1-64507-318-5 May 6, 2024 / Retail Price: $18.99 RELIGION / Christian Living / Parenting

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About the Authors

Juan Sanchez, MDiv, ThM, PhD, serves as senior pastor of High Pointe Baptist Church in Austin, TX and is a council member of The Gospel Coalition, cofounder and president of Coalición, and an associate professor of theology at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. He has authored numerous books, including 1 Peter for You and The Leadership Formula and is the coauthor of Reaching Your Child’s Heart with his wife, Jeanine. Jeanine Sanchez teaches English and writing to children and teaches the Bible to women. When not in the classroom, Jeanine enjoys reading, hospitality, watching Florida football, and spending time with her adult children and her grandchildren. Juan and Jeanine have been married for over thirty years and are the parents of five adult daughters. They live in the Austin, TX area. Learn more at www.jandjsanchez.com. Follow the Sanchezes on Facebook (Juan R. Sanchez), X (@manorjuan), and Instagram (@manorjuan and @jeaninedell).

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