Title: PLAYING HURT: A Guy’s Strategy for a Winning Marriage
Author: Brian Goins
Publisher: Kregel Publications
June 2011
ISBN: 978-0-8254-2673-5
Genre: Inspirational/marriage/men
Men admire men who can play hurt, who can finish the game even when injured, sick, or falling apart. So, why, when it comes to marriage are we so quick to throw in the towel?
PLAYING HURT is a ‘playbook’ that will use biblical principles for marriage that will challenge you to push forward even when your wife hurls an insult, hurts your pride, or disrespects you. It combines Scripture, questions at the end of each chapter, and stories from his own marriage.
PLAYING HURT is written for men who speak the language of sports better than they speak the language of love. It uses sports to teach the lessons, then back the lessons learned up with Scripture and questions for you to consider as you finish each chapter.
This is a book to take slowly, to read and consider each point, before trying to move on to the next. As soon as you get the first “play” down, you can learn the next. An excellent resource for most men, the ones who understand sports. $11.99. 152 pages.
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TWEET THIS: Playing Hurt by Brian Goins-coaches men to win the 1 game that truly matters–marriage! http://ow.ly/6arVa RT 4 a chance at $50! @litfuse
FACEBOOK THIS: Everyone admires people who play hurt, from the superstar athlete to the journeyman player who finishes the game even when hurt, sick, or falling apart. Everyone looks up to these athletes and wants to mimic their "never give up" attitude. Except when it comes to marriage. Learn more: Playing Hurt by Brian Goins http://litfusegroup.com/blogtours/text/13375058
About Playing Hurt:
A marriage book that husbands will actually want to read!
Everyone admires people who play hurt, from the superstar athlete to the journeyman player who finishes the game even when hurt, sick, or falling apart. Everyone looks up to these athletes and wants to mimic their “never give up” attitude. Except when it comes to marriage. Most husbands are willing to take a bullet for their wives in a life-and-death situation; but when his bride fires the bullet--hurls an insult, disrespects him in public, ignores his foreplay in private--he’d rather throw in the towel than play through the pain.
Playing Hurt is a biblical playbook for marriage that speaks in the language most men understand—the language of sports. Using a sports analogy to explain the motivation, means, and methods of playing hurt, author Brian Goins shows men how to overcome the temptation to stay on the bench. Playing Hurt is more about inspiration than instruction. It’s about finding the motivation to stay in the game, despite the pain. It’s about becoming like the One who knew more about nails and thorns than any superstar athlete. Using Ephesians 5 as a biblical basis, this book will call husbands to be the heroes they long to be--men who play hurt in order to win at marriage.
Video Trailer:
http://youtu.be/HWX8WFkSR1c or this embed code:
Link to buy the book: http://www.amazon.com/Playing-Hurt-Strategy-Winning-Marriage/dp/0825426731/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1310054349&sr=sprightly-20
About the Brian Goins:
Brian Goins is the author or editor of numerous study guides, workbooks, and Bible studies that he has developed for Insight for Living (Chuck Swindoll) and Walk Through the Bible. When he’s not traveling across the country as a Family Life Weekend to Remember speaker, he and his family reside in North Carolina .
Blog Tour Schedule: http://litfusegroup.com/blogtours/text/13375058
1. What makes Playing Hurt stand out from other similar books?
It’s a lot shorter! I started with the assumption that if men are going to read a book on marriage, they need to be able to finish it on a three-hour plane ride.
Secondly, one can find many great books for husbands on “how-to” love like Christ, I found few on “why” men are called to love like Christ. You will find practical tips on how to be a better husband, but in truth, I’ve found that when men have the right motivation they’ll move in the right direction.
2. Why is Playing Hurt in sports a good analogy for marriage?
Many husbands struggle to answer questions from their wives, “Did you know today was our anniversary?” “Why don’t you understand me?” or “So, what’s on your mind?”
But almost every man I know can answer the question, “Who is your favorite athlete who played hurt?” They may re-tell the story of Kirk Gibson, Michael Jordan fighting through the stomach flu in game 5 against the Utah Jazz, or though he’d never admit to watching women’s gymnastics, Kerri Strug landing that vault in the 96 Olympics.
Whether it’s on the ball field, or on the battlefield, or in the boardroom, we men will dig deep and play through pain to get the win, save their buddy, or secure the sale. But in the arena of marriage, when our egos get bruised, our expectations broken, or our libidos starved, men seek the bench. We pout. We pounce in retaliation. But we rarely play through our pain for the chance at victory in marriage.
3. What is an "and" guy? Why are they important?
What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done? I bet it was dangerous. There’s a good chance it involved the police. And I’d wager my son’s college education it involved other guys. Chances are, someone acted as your accomplice or as your audience. Living in Charlotte, home of NASCAR, where people spend five hours watching left-hand turns, I’ve heard a few redneck jokes—like this one: What are a redneck’s famous last words?
“Guys, hold my beer and watch this.”
Men do crazy things when other men are around. But they also achieve the impossible. First guys to conquer Mount Everest: Tenzing Norgay and Sir Edmund Hillary. First Americans to find a passage from the Mississippi to the Northwest: Meriwether Lewis and William Clark. First guys to fly a plane: Wilbur and Orville Wright. First guys to land on the moon: Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin.
What’s the common element between all those firsts? The word and. Crazy only requires spectators. But great missions, whether conquering a mountain or the moon or marriage, requires camaraderie. When you open the New Testament, you discover men (plural) on a mission. Even Jesus didn’t venture out alone.
First thing he did after he started his public ministry? Surrounded himself with other guys (Mark 1:16–20). First time Jesus sent out the disciples? They went out like Noah’s animals— two by two (see Mark 6:7–13). When the first churches were established, they were founded by pairs of men: Peter and John (Acts 3–5); Barnabas and Saul (Acts 13–15); Paul and Silas (Acts 16–18). And is a powerful word.
Who follows the and in your life? Who are your “and” guys? Walk through the letters of Paul and you’ll discover he never went anywhere without some trusted companions.
Many men have buddies, but they don’t have “and guys.” Buddies get together and watch sports; “and guys” get together and share substance. Buddies say you deserve better than how your bride is treating you; “and guys” encourage you to sacrifice for your bride. Buddies encourage you to wife bash; “and guys” encourage you to beautify your wife. Buddies magnify your wife’s weaknesses; “and guys” magnify your wife’s strengths. Buddies gawk at other women; “and guys” help guard your eyes against other women.
“And” guys rebuke, refocus, recharge, and remind us that the goal of marriage is not our personal happiness. They rebuke us when we crave the immediate over the eternal. They help us refocus on the mission of marriage: God’s glory—his fame and his name.
4. What is the Apostle Paul's "playbook for marriage"? What are the five guidelines to love like Christ?
Tucked in the back of a letter to a small church in Ephesus, Paul addresses a paragraph or “playbook” to husbands. In it, he slaps a poster on the wall of every husband of who we are supposed to emulate. Secondly he gives five guidelines every husband needs to win at marriage:
1. Every husband needs the guts to love like Christ.
2. Every husband needs the glory of loving like Christ.
3. Every husband needs other guys to help him love like Christ.
4. Every husband needs the guidelines to love like Christ: Nourish and Cherish
5. Every husband needs the gospel that empowers him to love like Christ.
5. What is "game film," and how do you provide it in Playing Hurt?
After every victory or defeat athletes analyze “film” from their game, match, race, or event to see what they can improve upon. Before the hand held camera captured everything in slow-motion, the pen captured stories. Throughout the book we go back through “game film” from victories and defeats in Scripture. Paul told a young protégé, Timothy, “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.” We analyze what they did right and what they did wrong so we can be equipped for the game of marriage.
6. You say that when wounded in marriage, men tend to fall into one or more of these traps: persuade, punish, pity, or performance. How can husbands avoid these traps? How can they get out of them?
(Not sure I can answer this in a few paragraphs)
7. What do you mean when you say, “become a thermostat, not a thermometer”?
If you’re like me, you can take your wife’s emotional temperature from about twenty feet away. When Jen is hot (I don’t mean ready to slip between the sheets with me), I know to seek out a cooler climate, perhaps out on the back deck with an iced tea. When she’s cold, I look for a warmer personality—like the TV—to keep me company. I’m not saying these responses are right. I’m just saying that’s what I tend to do. But Paul, in his playbook for marriage, calls us to set the emotional climate in our homes, not just measure it.
After providing constant and catered nourishment that is crucial for our brides, the second fundamental for a winning marriage is to cherish our wives. It’s a word that can mean “bring warmth to,” and from which we derive our words thermal and thermostat. Paul says we instinctively cherish our own bodies (Ephesians 5:29). If it’s hot, we put on our sandals and crank up the AC. If it’s cold, we look for our fuzzy socks and build a fire. When Paul tells us to love our wives as we love our own bodies
(Ephesians 5:28), he’s encouraging us to cherish their emotional needs in the same way we cherish our own physical needs. If she’s chilly, it’s our job to warm her up. If she’s steaming, then we need to help her lower the mercury. In other words, the call to cherish means we have to engage when we’d rather shrink back.
8. How did your role as a pastor prepare you to write this book?
I heard a pastor friend of mine say the most damning preposition in all of Scripture is found in Genesis 3. The snake seduced Eve with a fruit plate. Then she offered a bite to Adam who was “with her.” In other words when the snake slithered up to his wife, Adam didn’t grab a hoe and cut off its head, he just stood there. When it twisted God’s words, Adam didn’t argue, he just nodded his head. When Eve grabbed the fruit, Adam didn’t slap it out of her hands, he just watched.
God made men in his image. God’s image in Genesis 1:1-2 portrays one who hovers over a chaotic world “without form and void.” Instead of ignoring or being irritated or being intimidated by the chaos, God moves into it and creates order. He turned on the sun and moon. He corralled raging waves. He made a starry map in the ink-black night. He created a food chain. Then he laid out when you punch in for work and when you take a day off. But in Genesis 3 when Adam sat back in his barca lounger to watch his favorite episode of “When Snakes Attack,” he let chaos disrupt the order. We don’t know if he was intimidated or irritated by the snake, but we do know he ignored it. As a husband I’ve discovered that most of my problems happen because I’m “just standing there.” I don’t move into the chaos of conflict. I don’t answer the call to spiritual leadership. I don’t diffuse awkward moments. Though God made me as a man to move into chaos and create order, I repeat the sins of Adam every time I “just stand there.”
In a perfect world, God allowed something to threaten the unity of Adam and Eve. Even in the happiest marriage, conflict and issues are unavoidable. The question is, “What will a husband do when issues slither into marriage?” Move into the chaos or slink into the background? As a pastor, conference speaker, and a husband, I’ve discovered marriages get stuck because we men abandon our role as “image-bearer.” Perhaps that’s why the wife and not the husband initiate 9 out of 10 counseling appointments. She got tired of him “just standing there.”
9. Be honest: Who is your favorite athlete who played hurt? In marriage: my wife. In sports: I thought it was Dodger Kirk Gibson, but I just watched Soul Surfer with my family. I think Bethany Hamilton is a stud…ess.
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