How We Love Our Kids

Title: HOW WE LOVE OUR KIDS

Authors: Milan & Kay Yerkovich

Publisher: Waterbrook Press

March 2011

ISBN: 978-0307729248

Genre: Parenting

One Small Change in How You Love
One Big Change in your Kids

Having problems with your kids?  What if you are the problem and you just can’t see it?  How We Love Our Kids offers a unique approach, to help you as a parent transform your kids by making specific changes in how you love. It’s the only book specifically for parents that reveals the unseen forces that shape every interaction with your kids.  


   • Identify which of the five love styles you have.
   • Discover the surprising dynamics that shape your parenting.
   • Get rid of your “buttons” so your kids can’t push them.
   • Create a close connection with your kids that will last a lifetime.
   • Learn the seven gifts every child needs. 

Based on years of research in the area of attachment and bonding,  How We Love Our Kids shows parents how to overcome the predictable challenges that arise out of the five love styles and helps parents cultivate a secure, deep connection with a child of any age.  Retool your reactions and refocus on how you love.  Start today. Watch your kids flourish and thrive as they receive what was missing in your love.

With four self-assessments and powerful application tools to use with children of all ages.

HOW WE LOVE OUR KIDS is the latest in parenting books I’ve read, and I think it will be the last for awhile. I feel like I need to visit Milan & Kay Yerkovich to make sense of the book! 

First of all, the first part of the book, states, rather clearly that all the problems you have with your kids are your fault. And if they aren’t your fault, then they’re your parents fault. No if, ands, or buts. However, I tried and tried to figure out which of the “love styles” my husband and I are and to my uneducated and untrained mind, we don’t fit anywhere!  There are five love types, all negative and unloving, such as an avoider (an emotional robot who tries to distance themselves from their children), a pleaser (who lets the child run the show), a vacillator (who is hot and cold, with no in between), a controller (who is essentially emotionally abusive), or a victim (who is passive and overly compliant to all demands).

Then the second part, talks about how to identify the five “types” of children, and the third part talks about unique types of children which included a bit more practical advice, rather than putting all the blame on mom & dad or grandma & grandpa.

Then the last part talks about seven gifts children need. There is an appendix with strategies and tops for parenting. I have found other parenting books more helpful, such as GET OFFA MY CASE! for dealing with angry teens, or any other number of books. This wasn’t very helpful to me at all. $11.99. 304 pages.