Part 2 of an Interview with David and Krista Dunham, Authors of Table for Two

 

Table for Two: Biblical Counsel for Eating Disorders by David and Krista Dunham is a powerful, redemptive book that reveals an intimacy beyond personal stories of struggle told through a biblical counseling lens; it highlights the close-knit relationship of husband and wife and a home life where one person struggles with an eating disorder. Applying the truth of Ecclesiastes 4:9–10, they know two are better than one and understand the need to connect and jointly navigate the process together. Individuals suffering from an eating disorder—and those who love them—will find practical help, hope, and encouragement in this couple’s story.   Without minimizing complicated issues, the Dunhams provide practical gospel hope and biblical encouragement to those suffering and help for loved ones walking with them. They share personal narratives, interactive exercises, and biblical direction for those navigating recovery. Each chapter includes interactive exercises to encourage conversations. The Dunhams will help readers discover key components of an eating disorder and what type of assistance is truly helpful while guiding them to understand how the gospel frames the process with both truth and grace.   Q: What were some of the things people said or did that were well-intentioned, but really didn’t help? What did people do or say that were helpful?   Krista: Some people initially tried to educate me on what I was doing to my body. Even as some of the ill-effects started to set in, it didn’t matter because all those things were worth the sacrifice to me in order to get what I wanted.   At one point, I was given a pack of memory verse cards that were centered around the topic of food. Away from the context of the rest of the Bible, and without the solid groundwork of the gospel, the verses were trivial and were even a bit misleading at times. What I really needed was the big picture of who God is. I needed to know what Christ had done for me through his perfect life and substitutionary death. Then I could use those memory verses, in context and in conjunction with the surrounding verses, to guide me back to those major themes of the gospel and God’s character. The verses could remind me of what I knew to be true of God, and they could give me fuel in applying the complete concept of redemption. I needed bigger concepts of truth instead of just snippets of it.   Something that really did help was having someone who would listen without automatically giving me a solution. David was actually really bad at this at first. It is so natural for a helper to want to fix things. But when he started to listen and empathize, he was a much better helper to me. Often when he tried to come up with an immediate solution, it ended up being trite and confusing. When I felt out of control and without a plan, his response might have been something like, “Just eat three meals a day and take a walk with me after dinner. Do that every day and make it a habit.” It felt like my feelings were being boiled down to simple answers. But when he listened and prayed with me, when he was willing to say, “I don’t know” sometimes, this made me feel safe and loved and heard so that when there were clear opportunities for him to help, I would be ready to hear from him.   Q: What struggles did you face as a helper? How did you deal with feelings of helplessness?   David: My biggest struggle was trying to understand her. I didn’t take the time to dig into the literature and the resources available but even if I had, there is also some degree of separation between the sufferer and the helper. I wasn’t inside her head and so I could never perfectly understand her emotions, reactions, and logic. Her behaviors didn’t make sense to me, and as a result, I was often tempted to be impatient and insensitive. Learning to listen and simply accept Krista’s feelings as genuinely hers was important.   The hardest part about watching a loved one go through an eating disorder is seeing more clearly than they do what is happening but being unable to convince them to stop. You can’t repent for someone else, you can’t change someone else, and attempting to force them usually doesn’t accomplish long-term success. In a lot of ways, I really was helpless. I had to learn that being helpless and being hopeless aren’t the same thing, and that made a difference as years went by.   Q: What realization finally helped you turn the corner to recovery?   Krista: The first realization that really helped me was that my eating disorder involved sin. I was tempted to believe that it was something that had just happened to me or that it was entirely the fault of my circumstances. But I made huge strides in getting better when I recognized that I had made sinful choices and had sinfully made idols out of success and appearance. I was sinfully trying to gain control that belonged to God. After realizing the ways that I had sinned, the remedy was that I could repent to God and because of Christ’s redemptive work on my behalf, I could be forgiven. Christ was the answer to my sin.   But it was also important for me to realize that I had experienced suffering. I was in a car accident in which I could have died. It shook my understanding of control and made me question God’s sovereignty. I suffered because of my circumstances and then formulated ideas and actions to deal with that suffering. And it was helpful to understand that my eating disorder was creating more suffering, so that by the time I was seeking help I was dealing with the suffering from the car accident but also the suffering that my eating disorder had caused. Christ was also the answer to my suffering. He spent thirty-three years on earth understanding and entering into that suffering. And he died to redeem my suffering so that it can be used for God’s glory and my sanctification.   Q: Did Krista’s struggle with an eating disorder influence your path to becoming a biblical counselor in any way? Did what you learned in becoming a counselor help you better understand what Krista was going through?   David: My desire to become a counselor was quite separate from Krista’s struggles. It would be a great story if her suffering caused me to want to learn to be helpful, but I actually continued to pursue other plans until God kept laying counseling in my lap for other reasons. While I was finishing seminary, God brought us to a church where the senior pastor had a doctorate in counseling, and he required me to sit in on cases with him. It was there that I first saw counseling as a primary means for discipleship and got hooked. After that, I ended up at a church that ministered to people who were struggling with various kinds of addictions. I ended up being hired from there into my current position as the counseling pastor at our church. I often felt like I was not really pursuing counseling, but through God’s sovereignty and direction, counseling was always pursuing me.   Learning more about counseling, however, did shape how I approached Krista. I began to see my failures more clearly and particularly saw the character deficiencies that brought on those failures. I also learned tons of skills in both research and counseling that enabled me to do a better job of caring for Krista. And it has helped me to go back and tell our story in a way that helps me to see what I could have done differently and how God used my failures to still carry out his good purpose in both of our lives.   What is interesting about our story is that I actually knew very little about biblical counseling until God walked us through many of the steps toward change in real time. It is why we are even more convinced that biblical counseling is so effective. My wife was struggling, and I didn’t know what to do. We sought God together and the solutions that he gave us each step along the way align with what we would tell counselees to do. We had no idea that it was the right way to go until we had already walked through it and could piece it back together.   Q: Tell us more about Table for Two. How is the book designed to be used? What tools do you provide for readers?   The book is written as a tool to help both sufferers and their loved ones work together through an eating disorder. So, each chapter includes both part of Krista’s story of suffering and counseling guidance. Then the chapters end with an interactive exercise for helper and sufferer to do together.   The ultimate goal of the book was to provide helpers and sufferers the tools they need to work on this issue together. We provide evaluative charts, a host of reflective questions, guidance on writing out a suffering narrative, and practical strategies for fighting temptation.   Q: What one piece of advice or encouragement would you like to share today with couples who are trying to start the journey to overcoming disordered eating?   The two biggest keys in our dynamic were learning to be patient and getting outside help.   Krista: Change is neither easy nor quick, and so learning to view change as a process and being patient with setbacks is important. David wanted to pressure me to change, and I wanted to give up when it was hard. Patience went a long way to keep us both engaged in the journey towards recovery.   David: Getting help is also vital. I needed to be involved in the process because I was most consistently and most intimately involved in Krista’s life. But I couldn’t do it all. Professional helpers were of immense importance to her recovery. As a spouse struggling to care for her, I needed help too. I needed someone who could not only guide me in how to care for her, but who could also support me when I was discouraged and fatigued.   Patience and help were the biggest difference makers in our lives. So, if you are just starting this journey, those are the best places to start. Table for Two: Biblical Counsel for Eating Disorders By David and Krista Dunham April 26, 2021 / Retail Price: $15.99 Print ISBN 978-1-645070-74-0 Religion / Christian Ministry / Counseling and Recovery

About the Authors

David Dunham, MDiv (The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary), is a pastor and biblical counselor at Cornerstone Baptist Church in Roseville, MI. He is the author of Addictive Habits: Changing for Good and coauthor of Table for Two: Biblical Counsel for Eating Disorders. He speaks refularly on issues related to Biblical Counseling. David and his wife, Krista, have three children.   David blogs at www.pastordaveonline.org and can be found on Twitter (@pastor_dave619).   Krista Dunham has served as a women’s mentor, biblical counselor, and curriculum developer for various women’s and children’s ministries. She has a degree in early childhood education from Ohio University. Krista suffered from an eating disorder for many years and has been privileged to share her story of recovery and transformation at many women’s events. She is the coauthor of Table for Two: Biblical Counsel for Eating Disorders.   David and Krista have three children and live in Michigan.